Everyone is responsible for the quality of relationships they want and the role they must play to achieve this. Understanding and having a healthy relationship with yourself is vital to developing a healthy relationship with others. It is not the role of leaders, managers, or supervisors to “fix” your relationships at work. It is your job to understand why you react the way you do, and it is the responsibility of the overseers to create safe systems of care and accountability to help you become empowered and competent at repairing and maintaining secure connections for yourself.
“Attachment” is a well-known theory in psychology that refers to the relational imprints formed in one’s early years that continue to influence most, if not all, subsequent relationships. Specific attachment styles form because of these early interactions; we carry these relational patterns into the workplace. They become the codes by which we interpret the world and relate with others.
The roles and responsibilities of maintaining healthy workplace relationships have become muddied by the lack of relational protocols, unclear company policies around relational injuries, and the abdication of personal responsibility. If you want to experience your team’s well-being, you are responsible for creating it. Leaders are pulled into personality conflicts and become distracted in their duties trying to play referee – putting the “misbehaved” on time outs and attempting to police the unruly. Regulating relationships is emotionally and mentally exhausting for management. It detracts from the leadership focus of establishing the organization’s vision, setting attainable goals, and carrying out their primary duty – establishing nontoxic interpersonal team dynamics through “care and accountability” while looking out for the company’s profitability.
Have you considered why it is easier for you to work with some people than with others? Have you thought about why you avoid some colleagues and why you look forward to working with others? Have you wondered why some colleagues can efficiently navigate stress and team drama and remain friendly and engaged even in the most challenging times? If you are curious – my team and I look forward to appeasing your curiosity and helping you decode your personal attachment code and that of your coworkers. After you have gained insight and understanding, we will help you rewrite the relational code of your team that will move you to safe, stable, and more secure connections.
