Understanding Yourself and Connecting with Others
By raising their teams’ Relational Competencies, organizations experience health and progress while addressing the many unique demands of modern work arenas. Cracking the code on human attachment helps organizations become relationally adept in understanding how differently wired people interact. This will allow irritations and conflict to be metabolized in less reactive and more constructive ways.
Here are some data points to help expand your insight, challenge your perspective, and pique your curiosity about the utility of relationships in the workplace.
Securely coded people – can manage their emotions, are confident in exploring and taking risks, are emotionally aware and responsive, and are conflict busters and collaborators. They intuitively engage with anxious, avoidant, and disorganized people in their relational codes. They are the invisible and the visible team builders and are often the stabilizers in team constructs.
Anxiously coded people – are highly sensitive to relational stressors. They pursue connection at all costs. It is exhausting to them and others. The fear of disconnect is felt in their bodies in a distressing way and is not just an annoying trait they want to live with. Trying to establish a connection with others can appear needy, but it is their impulsive effort to escape the pain of separation. They require constant check-ins to feel that all is well. Their sensitivity can help them recognize others on the team that feels disconnected.
Avoidantly coded people – are very protective of their autonomy. They do not like being micromanaged as it communicates inferiority and triggers their sense of inadequacy. They will shut down and withdraw if they feel like they are being pursued. Being relationally “close” to others feels threatening and is only safe when initiated by them. They are high achievers and are self-directed – can often present as “lone rangers” in the workplace. This can be off-putting and intimidating to colleagues. They require limited oversight and appreciate affirming check-ins occasionally. Though less demanding of attention, they can also feel exempted from accountability.
Disorganized coded people – have experienced significant trauma in their early life. The sense that relationships are unsafe is deeply embedded in their attachment system. Any form of relational exposure triggers a defense strategy to isolate and become invisible. Their tendency to detach and be loners is not an invitation for others to come close. They work best independently in siloed tasks and separate from others because their sense of self is fractured. Their feeling of unworthiness and self-loathing is their way of rejecting themselves before they experience the pain of rejection in real-time. They prefer no contact.
You will likely have a few light bulb moments from the descriptions above about your relational code. Your awareness is tweaked now, and modifying the way you approach individuals with different attachment codes than yours will be wise next steps. This will improve the quality of connection in your team, and trust can be cultivated with every well-intentioned and executed relational transaction.
